Question by Buttercup: How to say goodbye to a friend I was romantically involved with?
Last December I became friends with someone I was introduced to. I was 6 mos pregnant at the time, but we instantly clicked (yes I was and still am single). Anyways we became really close throughout the rest of my pregnancy and afterwards. We have gone out on dates,shopping, dinner,ect. He’s introduced me to his family, whom I am also very close with (his parents are like grandparents to my daughter), he is the closest thing to a father my daughter has had, and we have done “everything” together as if we were bf/gf. We just never made it official with the titles. Well a few months after my daughter was born I told him that my feelings for him had become quite strong and that I had fallen for him. He gave me the line “I Love you, but I am not IN Love with you”, I accepted defeat and on more than one occasion since then I have tried to walk away because it hurt too much to not be able to be with him. He freaked out EVERY SINGLE TIME..telling me that My daughter and I were too important to him to let us just walk away.. Well about a month ago I had made the trip out to see him, and I could feel tension between us. I thought maybe he was just stressed out from work. Then a few weeks later for his Bday I made a day trip (450 miles one way) to spend the day with him at Disneyland. When I got there it didn’t even seem like he was happy to see me.(no usual Hello kiss, no handholding, nada) I brought up his strange behavior to him that night and he said he was trying to back off because it was seeming like we were in a relationship and he cant handle it right now. Of course I went home completely depressed. Last week he went on a trip to a lake that was 45 min from my house, and didnt even bother to make an effort to come and see me, after I make a 300 mile trip to his house (600 miles roundtrip) on average of 2x a month. We got into an argument and I told him I didnt want to see him ever again. I was tired of making all the effort on my part. We literally havent talked since then. A couple nights ago, I finally broke down and texted him with I missed him and I was sorry, he told me that he “missed hanging out” I havent really heard from him since then.
His whole reason for not wanting a gf is because he’s a really busy person. I know, firsthand because I used to help him with his schedule. But for so long he treated me like one and then he just stops. I think he’s just scared of his feelings because his last gf was kinda psycho (like suicidal/drunkie) and the one before her cheated on him & ran up a HUGE CC bill that he’s STILL paying off. I tried proving to him that I am nothing like them (My mom raised me right damnit), I thought I had my point across…25 year old guys are confusing.
So finally, I am tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I want to be with him more than words can describe, but I cant force him to change his feelings about me. I want to say good bye to him and just cut him off cold turkey. I was thinking about blogging a goodbye letter to him on myspace, telling him exactly how much he has hurt me, that I dont appreciate him becoming so close with my daughter then deciding he cant be with me anymore and that before he makes a girl feel all special and wanted he better make sure he wants to be with her OR hand writing a letter to him with the exact same content then mailing it to his house. If you have any other ideas please let me know…
Oh and PLEASE…dont think Im naieve and havent thought about the whole “he’s interested in someone else” scenario…it was the first thing that crossed my mind, and even if he was/is..I have no say in it because im not his GF!!!
For those who think I should fight for him what else can I do? He already knows how I feel, but I don’t wanna be all stalkerish.
Best answer:
Answer by tessss ☼
think of his bad points and exaggerate them to the highest level you can. then pretend that he has no good points. that he is a tool. it can be so difficult but when he works, IT REALLY WORKS..
starts a hatred lol
good luckk matee ☼
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he may be a closet gay………just kidding……I just do not think he wants to go that far with you. If you want to leave him, just leave. Do not try to drag it out. He obviously just wants to drop the whole situation. So just leave him alone, cause he is leaving you alone. This is easy for me to say, and it will be hard for you to do, but it is the only way to get it out of your system. Good luck, and I hope I helped.
It sounds like he is afraid of commitment. I suspect he still loves you and your daughter but is scared of being tied down with a ready made family. From what you say, a lot of guys would die to be with you, but this guy knows you want more than friendship and he is scared to deal with his feelings. A lot of guys his age are like that and end up losing the chance of a lifetime to be with a great woman.
Don’t walk away, what ever you do just don’t. it seems like your feeling for him are so strong that you cant bare to be apart from him, if that’s the case how would you cope knowing you said goodbye in a letter or on myspace without facing him?
if you cant bare it anymore and think the easiest way to get over him is to let him go, do it in person, at least then he can see your feelings are so genuine that your love for him is killing you. He might realize while looking into your eyes while you pronounce your love to him that it couldn’t hurt to give this relationship some real thought and he might even come around.
Love is one complex feeling that not having what you want is just pure pain. Whatever you do, do not give up on him, fight for him show him your the one, show him the kind of girl friend you can be and show him that no matter what you’ll always be there for him.
saying goodbye to someone as important in your life as this man is to you would be an utter mistake, you never know he might be the real one. and he sounds like a really great man, a family man, seeing as he treats you and your daughter like a family.
his busy schedule shouldn’t stand in your way either.
FIGHT FOR HIM, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD FIGHT FOR HIM IS YOU TRULY LOVE HIM. DON’T EVERY SAY GOODBYE BECAUSE YOU’LL REGRET IT.
This may sound a bit long-winded but please hear me out
Let me explain the term “Cold turkey”
Most people think it means going without or shutting something out completely.
Like the term, giving someone the “cold shoulder” (as in shoulder of ham), it means substituting a hot, cooked prepared meal with the next available thing, last night’s cold leftovers.
That is, replacing something you desire and want (that may not be what you need) with something that will do the job
You will not stop thinking about this Man until you replace him, but that is what you need to do. Don’t let him be your focus