Question by Sandy: How do I accept my BF’s Online “Friend” and his Privacy?
We met online…met in person…fell in love…I moved to his state and we have a wonderful relationship…over a year now. Problem..he has a VERY Close female friend who lives in Holland..we are in the US. They had a “thing” for one another but when he offered to travel to meet her…she refused. They decided to just be friends. They email daily…he keeps the computer super “clean” and never discusses anything they talk about or share pics they trade. I read an email a year ago that was very flirtatious….it hurt me greatly. I have asked that they reduce the amount of communication…that they stop using per names…Monkey for him…Goose for her…they speak very sweetly to one another…and at times…it seems will dip into the thoughts of how he would get along with her cat…how he would like to have dinner with her….visit her village. They speak words of missing one another even though they never met nor have they stopped or reduced communication…ever. He assures her he will always be looking for her emails…they will always be close…friends. She tells him how she “needs” him when she is having an emotionally hard day. They both know how bothered I am with this “friendship” I fully believe they are in love and neither will admit it. I fully believe he is in love with me too…but I think if he had a choice it would be her. I asked if he would include me by copying me when they are emailing…or if he didn’t want to do that maybe he could forward them for a while…let me see I have nothing to worry about…prove there is nothing “going on”…he refuses….says he doesn’t know what to tell me. Says they are just friends and she lives across the ocean. Says it’s not my business what in his mail….he logged into his mail and gave me the option to read it…but advised he would lose respect for me if I did….said he would resentment if he had to choose or give up his “friend”. I don’t understand why she means sooooooo much. Why he has to stay so private about it. They both know exactly how I feel. I’ve tried to be friends with her….but it’s hopeless. She is very short with me and tells him much more about herself and her life. I go through nightmares about this. Shake inside and out. Hate to even hear her name. Hate everythign about it. Driving me crazy. Honestly…he is the most gentle wonderful man in this world and I am very blessed to have him in my life. Don’t want to give him up…but can’t get past this “friend” thing….I fear she will be the end to us. What would you do? How should I handle this? I think counseling is the only left for me to do. I don’t give ultimatiums…..please share your thoughts…..I’m tired of crying and hurting and worrying….
Thank You……
Best answer:
Answer by Xeleena
sorry if this doesnt give you much help coz i havent really been in this kind of situation and from the bottom of my heart i feel really sorry for you for what he is doing to you when he knows how you feel.
but dont you think that he has caused you enough pain, heartache, and anxiousness? not to mention the thousands of litres of tears you’ve cried for him.?
maybe you can try talking to him again seriously but not angrily. and tell him how he is hurting you. and if he does love you he will understand you.
or try going on a romantic vacation with just the two of you der and away from his computer to make him realise that he is with you now and it could make him realise that you are whats more important to him and not computer girl.
but always remember that you dont deserve this much suffering from him. he is obviously not worth it if he spends more time or talks about more things with computer girl than you.
PLUS computer girl shuld have the heart to understand you if she knows how your feeing about this.
really hope this helps. going to be hoping that your situation will be better
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I met a girl online and fell in love. The only problem was I was already Married.
My Wife had decided to go back to College and I was alone most nights. This online affair went on for over a year. My Wife became suspicious and checked the history on my computer. I didn’t think it was a big deal as the lady I had fallen for lived a thousand miles away so I knew nothing physical was going to happen.
My Wife was crushed. She said she would leave me if we didn’t go to Marriage Counseling. It took a few sessions before I got it through my skull that emotional cheating is still cheating.
Tell him to drop his ‘friend’ or you will leave him and he can continue his affair on his computer. My Wife gave me that ultimatum and I felt some resentment towards her at first but I Love my Wife very much and would rather have a Woman that I can hold in my arms than some fantasy on a computer screen.
Tell him to make a choice or you are gone.
He is not being fair to you.
honey, if this man really loved you and saw what you just wrote to us, he’d stop his friendship with her in a heartbeat. when you’re with a man that is in love with you, you become each other’s best friend, and those old best friends kind of take a back burner so to speak. this shouldn’t be going on. not if it upsets you this greatly.
if i were in your situation, i would have left by now. i know it sounds bad, but you don’t deserve feeling like that every day. it’s effecting your health. your happiness. your general well being.
you can try counseling, but like i said before, if he was truly in love with you, this wouldn’t even be a problem to begin with.