Q&A: hi friends,5 jokes in a row?

Question by manofwordsddn: hi friends,5 jokes in a row?

An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo bazaar, when a stranger
comes up
to him and offers to sell Viagra (illegal in Egypt) for 100 Egyptian
pounds.
“No, not worth it!”
“OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?”
“No, not worth it!”
“OK, 20?”
“No, not worth it!”
“How about 10?”
“No, not worth it!”
“Listen, these pills cost US $ 10 each. How can you say they are not
worth
it?”
“Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wife is not worth it.”

Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table,
reading the
paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful
actress that
was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his
lack of IQ
and common knowledge.
He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his
face. “I’ll never
understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives.”
His wife replies, “Why thank you, dear!”

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never
get to
prove it.

I am not the boss of my house. I don’t know when I lost it. I don’t
know if I
ever had it. But I have seen the boss’s job and I do not want it.

Husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was
reading
the ads in the paper. He looked up and said, “Here is a great sale on
tires!”
His wife replied, “What do you want tires for? You don’t have a car.”
He says, “I don’t complain when you go out and buy a new bra, do I?”

Well there was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They
were
sitting at the breakfast table that morning and the old gentleman
said to his
wife, “Just think honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.”
“Yeah,” she replied, “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting
here at this
breakfast table together.”
“I know,” the old man said. “We were probably sitting here as naked
as
jaybirds fifty years ago.”
“Well,” Granny snickered,?What do you say…Should we?” Whereupon the
two
stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
“You know honey,” the little old lady breathlessly replied, “My
nipples are as
hot for you as they were fifty years ago.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Gramps, “One’s in your coffee and
the other
one’s in your oatmeal.”

A woman was complaining to her neighbor that she suspected her
husband was
cheating on her because he always came home at extremely late hours.
The neighbor said, “Dear, try what I did. One night, when my husband
came home
at 3 a.m. I called out, ‘Is that you Jeffrey?’ He never came home
late again.
“That’s ridiculous! Just calling his name made him stop?” replied the
neighbor
with disbelief.
“You don’t understand.?replied the lady, “My husband’s name is
Thomas.”

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s
genitals
through his wallet.

At about 3am, i was drunk as a skunk. i came home just in time to
hear the
cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. quickly coming up with a plan, i
cuckooed nine
more times, hoping my wife would think it was midnight. i was very
proud of
myself.
the next day, my wife asked what time i got home, and i
replied, “midnight,
just like i said.”
she said that was good, and for some reason she said we needed a new
cuckoo
clock. when i asked why, she answered, “last night when it cuckooed
midnight, it
cuckooed three times, said ‘s***!,’ cuckooed four more times, farted,
cuckooed
three times, cleared its throat, cuckooed two more times and then
started
giggling.”

Best answer:

Answer by chica
very funny but long

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

Please read other answers to this question at the very bottom of this page, below you will find a video and related articles that will try to answer the question, if you have a proper answer please post it at the bottom.

Live off the SEMA 07 show floor, our friends at Yokohama explain the engineering and purpose behind tread design patterns and tire composition.

Video Rating: 4 / 5

Voice in Article Marketing from Homer to Today: The Power of the
Written Word

Article marketing in the fast paced rhythm of a high tech
virtual reality reopens an archaic debate about the power of the
written word. The art of marketing through articles is as old as
poetry itself and can trace its history as far back as some 720
years before Christ, with the oldest written works known to
human kind. The Iliad and the Odyssey were finally put into
written form with the intention of disseminating a way of
thinking, a voice if you will as would any article today. As the
ancient Athenians knew, and the Roman senate later discovered,
the art of rhetoric is not of a promotional nature, but of an
empathic nature, thriving off the passions of both voice and
ear. Publishing an article is to give voice to that which the
rhetorician has determined as essential to ones discourse, by
choosing wisely the time and place of announcement.

The art of disseminating ones discourse in and of itself is as
old as the first Aedos. Bards and Poets from ancient Greece had
no one plot of land to bequeath national pride, but rather
smaller city nation states, as we do today amongst the private
corporations throughout the electronic sea of virtual islands
that float in an ocean of navigating information. What was it
then to be Greek? It was in their stories, in their music and in
their poetry. Three things made a person Greek. To be Greek was
to share language, religion and Homer. One people over a great
distance bonded through the voice of their Aedos (Bards, and
Poets). Thought turned into words; into national pride and into
power, through the awe of human “voice”. Article marketing is
but a mere shadow of this long forgotten art, but still as
powerful, if not even more, with the velocity and advance of
modern technology.

When building the foundations of an incredibly well written
article, the “intention” is as important today as in the times
of Simonides (Greek poet 556 BC – 468 BC). Of what, does one
write? The intention of article marketing today should not be to
promote one self and ones websites. Visitors, backlinks,
recognition of one’s self and websites are all “consequences” of
the main objective or “intent”. The main intention should always
be, “quality”. This does not merely mean that an article is well
written, but that it states something original, something
different and distinguishable from the rest. An article of
quality is more than informative, more than simple expertise; an
article of quality is inspired by the nine daughters of
Mnemosyne (goddess of memory); the “Muses”. An article of
quality is one touched by the heart’s “passions.”

If the only intention when writing an article for future
marketing is to promote or sell, then the article has already
destroyed itself before even being written. Those, who slept in
the Roman Senate did so because there was no reason to listen,
the arguments were well known and well overheard. What makes a
Roman senator listen, when he has heard it all? Passion… When
the Muse has touched the very soul of the poet or statesman,
when a link or a key word are no longer that mediocre intent,
but the deep emotional need to be heard is the intent, passion
itself has become the intent. Augustus Caesar, did not take Rome
to war with Marcus Antonius and Cleopatra the VII of Egypt by
concentrating on war itself and the advantages of war. He took
Rome to war with his intent set on fear and his heart on the
passion for life. The art of knowing where to direct attention
is as old as the art of Rhetoric itself, Socrates tells us the
tale of the Egyptian god Toth who invented the written word, is
this the origin of persuasion? No matter, the important thing is
that we learn how content should be written, “with the direction
of quality”, links, traffic, backlinks and recognition, are
natural consequences.

To give voice on the fast paced cybernetic reality of electronic
spider webs, it is necessary to choose wisely the point from
which to broadcast. If heroic tales of Troy in the Iliad or the
humbling romantic adventures of the Odyssey were to be heard,
they not only needed quality they needed an audience willing to
listen. Homer gave ethnic identity to a people with no homeland
or ruler, and common gods to follow. Homer offered an integral
part of what it was to be Greek, he offered identity. Article
marketing can ask no less of its writers. Any article must be
placed in the campfires of its identifying warriors and the
walkways of its identifying open markets. Publishing an article
means being able to use search engines well and with efficiency
in order to place them in quality sites that “identify” with the
“intent” of each article. As an ode to the Spartan war march in
Thermopolis would be unacceptable in the Temple of Asclepius
(god of health), so would an article on meditation on a site
about car tires. The wisdom of where and when to voice is as
essential as how to voice.

Due to the everlasting string of code and html aristocracy that
rule the realm of VR, article marketing is becoming more and
more intensely controlled than ever before. But control is not
new to the art of Rhetoric. As early as the first bards, the
need and the power of voice have been perfected over the
millennia. “Intent” is a simple matter of directing ones passion
in an empathic way, inspiring “quality” itself. If empathy is
achieved through the art of passions, direction of the listeners
experience will follow in a natural way. Choosing the proper
place to publish and article can be the wisest choice when
article marketing as it will determine the most ultimate power
of voice… “audience.

Tyres/Tires Are Important , Look After Them

Article marketing in the fast paced rhythm of a high tech
virtual reality reopens an archaic debate about the power of the
written word. The art of marketing through articles is as old as
poetry itself and can trace its history as far back as some 720
years before Christ, with the oldest written works known to
human kind. The Iliad and the Odyssey were finally put into
written form with the intention of disseminating a way of
thinking, a voice if you will as would any article today. As the
ancient Athenians knew, and the Roman senate later discovered,
the art of rhetoric is not of a promotional nature, but of an
empathic nature, thriving off the passions of both voice and
ear. Publishing an article is to give voice to that which the
rhetorician has determined as essential to ones discourse, by
choosing wisely the time and place of announcement.

The art of disseminating ones discourse in and of itself is as
old as the first Aedos. Bards and Poets from ancient Greece had
no one plot of land to bequeath national pride, but rather
smaller city nation states, as we do today amongst the private
corporations throughout the electronic sea of virtual islands
that float in an ocean of navigating information. What was it
then to be Greek? It was in their stories, in their music and in
their poetry. Three things made a person Greek. To be Greek was
to share language, religion and Homer. One people over a great
distance bonded through the voice of their Aedos (Bards, and
Poets). Thought turned into words; into national pride and into
power, through the awe of human “voice”. Article marketing is
but a mere shadow of this long forgotten art, but still as
powerful, if not even more, with the velocity and advance of
modern technology.

When building the foundations of an incredibly well written
article, the “intention” is as important today as in the times
of Simonides (Greek poet 556 BC – 468 BC). Of what, does one
write? The intention of article marketing today should not be to
promote one self and ones websites. Visitors, backlinks,
recognition of one’s self and websites are all “consequences” of
the main objective or “intent”. The main intention should always
be, “quality”. This does not merely mean that an article is well
written, but that it states something original, something
different and distinguishable from the rest. An article of
quality is more than informative, more than simple expertise; an
article of quality is inspired by the nine daughters of
Mnemosyne (goddess of memory); the “Muses”. An article of
quality is one touched by the heart’s “passions.”

If the only intention when writing an article for future
marketing is to promote or sell, then the article has already
destroyed itself before even being written. Those, who slept in
the Roman Senate did so because there was no reason to listen,
the arguments were well known and well overheard. What makes a
Roman senator listen, when he has heard it all? Passion… When
the Muse has touched the very soul of the poet or statesman,
when a link or a key word are no longer that mediocre intent,
but the deep emotional need to be heard is the intent, passion
itself has become the intent. Augustus Caesar, did not take Rome
to war with Marcus Antonius and Cleopatra the VII of Egypt by
concentrating on war itself and the advantages of war. He took
Rome to war with his intent set on fear and his heart on the
passion for life. The art of knowing where to direct attention
is as old as the art of Rhetoric itself, Socrates tells us the
tale of the Egyptian god Toth who invented the written word, is
this the origin of persuasion? No matter, the important thing is
that we learn how content should be written, “with the direction
of quality”, links, traffic, backlinks and recognition, are
natural consequences.

To give voice on the fast paced cybernetic reality of electronic
spider webs, it is necessary to choose wisely the point from
which to broadcast. If heroic tales of Troy in the Iliad or the
humbling romantic adventures of the Odyssey were to be heard,
they not only needed quality they needed an audience willing to
listen. Homer gave ethnic identity to a people with no homeland
or ruler, and common gods to follow. Homer offered an integral
part of what it was to be Greek, he offered identity. Article
marketing can ask no less of its writers. Any article must be
placed in the campfires of its identifying warriors and the
walkways of its identifying open markets. Publishing an article
means being able to use search engines well and with efficiency
in order to place them in quality sites that “identify” with the
“intent” of each article. As an ode to the Spartan war march in
Thermopolis would be unacceptable in the Temple of Asclepius
(god of health), so would an article on meditation on a site
about car tires. The wisdom of where and when to voice is as
essential as how to voice.

Due to the everlasting string of code and html aristocracy that
rule the realm of VR, article marketing is becoming more and
more intensely controlled than ever before. But control is not
new to the art of Rhetoric. As early as the first bards, the
need and the power of voice have been perfected over the
millennia. “Intent” is a simple matter of directing ones passion
in an empathic way, inspiring “quality” itself. If empathy is
achieved through the art of passions, direction of the listeners
experience will follow in a natural way. Choosing the proper
place to publish and article can be the wisest choice when
article marketing as it will determine the most ultimate power
of voice… “audience.

Tires are one of the most misunderstood and under-appreciated parts of a vehicle. Although assumed by many just to be a cushion to keep your wheel rim from getting damaged, in reality your tires are only point of contact between a high-speed moving vehicle and the road. Consequently, how much control you have over your car depends greatly on your tires. This article will explain what tires do for your car, the consequences of poorly maintaining your tires, and what you can do to make sure your tries are reliable and safe.

Every aspect of a tire is carefully designed to provide the greatest amount of control over your car. The type of tire rubber is carefully chosen to be soft enough to provide a good grip on the road, but tough enough not to wear down too quickly. As the rubber of the tire rolls over the pavement, it transmits force between the tire and the road via friction to generate traction. This is made possible by friction, which can be described as the stickiness between any 2 surfaces. Friction is what allows traction (the ability of the tire to grip the road), allowing you to speed up, slow down, and steer the vehicle, thus keeping control over your car.

Consequently, it is in your best interest to keep the contact area between your tire and the pavement as broad as possible. Here, tire pressure is important. Over-inflating a tire can cause it to lift too high off the ground, so that only the center of the tire is in contact with the road. This causes less traction (and thus less control over a moving vehicle), and uneven wear in the middle of the tire tread. Under-inflated tires let the tire ride to low, causing excessive wear to the outer ribs of the tire tread, and increasing the chances of a blowout. To maintain proper tire pressure, check your car owner’s manual (or look up the tire specification on the internet) to find the correct tire pressure. Check you tire pressure frequently (once a week or so) to make sure they maintain to correct pressure.

Uneven wear on your tire treads can also slowly decrease the contact area with the pavement over time. Unfortunately, even the position of the four tires on the car and cause uneven wear over time. To avoid this, rotate the tires to different wheel positions around the car periodically (in the USA, every 10,000 miles or so). Not only is the safer, it will make your tires last longer and save you money over time.

Keeping your tires properly balanced is also important. Your wheels should be perfectly perpendicular to the road to provide the greatest contact surface area with the pavement, and thus the best traction and control over your car. If your wheels are at an angle, even a very slight one, it decreases the contact area with the pavement, reduction traction and control, and crates uneven wearing on your tires, increasing the chance of a blowout. A good way to maintain proper balance is to have the balance checked whenever you have your tires rotated.

When your tread wears down, several bad things can happen. First of all, it generates less friction between the tire and the road, providing less grip on the pavement and thus less control over a moving vehicle.

Second, tire treads are specifically designed, when your tires roll through standing water or heavy rain, to channel water up and away for the road and provide a drier surface for your tires to grip the road. When tires treads wear down, these water channels shrink, creating a smaller channel to lift and push water away for the pavement. This increases the chances of losing control of your car when driving through water or heavy rain, especially at high speeds.

Finally, the older and more worn the tires are, the greater the chance that one of them will burst while the car is moving. Although merely an annoyance at low speeds, the danger caused by a blowout increases dramatically at higher speeds, and at highway speeds can be lethal. In extreme cases, the tire tread can separate from the tire wall and wrap around the axle, causing you to lose all steering control, collide with another car, go off the road, or even roll over.

Proper tire maintenance is an enormously broad topic, and this short article has provided just the very basics of maintenance and safety. If you think you have any questions about whether or not you need to have your tires rotated or replaced, take your car to an auto mechanic or garage.