Question by ihaveaquestion24: help please! 16 year old?
hi-
my 16 year old is not doing too well. she just recently swichted schools from a catholic small school to public school because she said it was too small and it was all girl. i understand that. but now she is not doing her homeork and she has lost all interest in her school work. she does not party, in fact, i try to encourage her to go out more. she doesn’t have boyfriends, she has liked the same boy for 6 years. i do not know what to do with her. she is really inteligent and the fact of the matter is, she cries durings breaks at school, spends time talking to the councelors and she verbally yells and is always “tired.” what should i do? should i let her switch schools? or is she the problem? please help any advice will be useful. she has everything a car, private lessons in golf every day. what should i do? please help me.
i have tried talking to her and it either ends with me yelling or her yelling. my husband and i try to help. the other day he took her out for coffee before driving her to school and she started crying in the car and he couldn’t drive because he didn’t feel right dropping off a crying kid to school.
she goes to a therapist actually outside of school as well. she hates to eat. her weight goes from really low to really high and she drinks 5 shots of coffee a day.
we are a spiritual household however not religious. If that makes sense.
i had a meeting with her councelor. having the money for a private school is the issue. at the other school we had a scholarship. there is a chance we could get one for a gold academy. we were thinking of maybe sending her to a golf academy. it’s just that she will not get into college if she continues this way. she got straight a’s first quarter and now D’s. She has plenty of boys running after her but she ignores them and everyone.
her father is slowly starting to come back into the picture but he’s always in and out. I do not think that is affecting her. However he always encourages to follow your heart and I want her to know she has to do what needs to be done. Her sister goes to a school that she wanted to go to but didn’t get in. (another private high school in the area). She hasn’t had much luck with boys as in she doesn’t have boyfriends but they do call our house wanting to talk to her. She gets along with everyone but then she leaves them. She liked as i said, a boy in our small town but he moved to another country and is obviously not interested in her.
Best answer:
Answer by Jay
It’s probably not the school then. She’s going through some major changes. Have you tried talking to her about it? Encouraging her to go out more just deters the problem.
Best wishes
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Sounds like she’s really going through a rough patch. If possible, try to find her a counselor that specializes in teen issues. High School counselors might be able to help some, but she probably needs more than they can give her. They don’t usually have the same kind of training as someone who is an actual therapist.
Has she been taught religion in home or in school? Sometimes if religious matters are only partially understood, or perhaps communicated poorly, they can cause vast emotional issues for sensitive kids. If that’s the case, a wise spiritual counselor might be of help.
I would send her to the doctor for a general check-up too.
Best Wishes.
Edit.
After reading your additional posts, I doubt it’s the religion thing. Sounds like she’s got some self confidence issues. There are so many different things that can cause those feelings. Ask her if she feels like she can really talk to her counselor. A good personality match is important too.
As a parent, try to analyse her environment, and identify things that might undermine her confidence. Listen to yourself, her Dad & siblings (older siblings can do a lot of damage if allowed to) as you speak to her, to make sure you are always sending her messages that are building her up. It takes 14 positive comments to undo 1 negative comment.
If she’s willingly in counseling, she probably really wants help. Sometimes counseling can be a frustrating process because in their approach many counselors are facilitators in helping their clients come to their own conclusions. (In the long run, this is probably healthier however frustrating.) Getting her a helpful book or two might help speed the process along: (Try “Analyse Yourself” by Dr. Karyn Gordon). Also, Dr. Phil (who has a rather proactive approach) has posted a lot of self help information on his website: http://www.drphil.com.
Another thing. You said she’s very intelligent, and from her behavior, it sounds like she’s very sensitive. Those two character traits together are usually found in artists. Do you think she could be an artist? If so, does she have an outlet? If she is an artist, she will love you forever (not that she doesn’t already) if you encourage her in this area, and help her find her true outlet. It might be a key to her confidence.
if she’s a minor aren’t you ALLOWED to ask the councelor what’s going on or see if you can get the councelor to ask if she would be happier at a different school. i would also have a meeting with her teacher/principal, she if she’s being bullied, kids are harsh these days, good luck to you and your family, i hope you solve this issue
See if you can cut back on the caffine instake, does she take vitamins A D B’s at this age she will need all of these. Thank your lucky stars that’s she not a party animal and that shes got this far with such great grades… What other changes have occured? Sounds like she and you are having a real hard go at it right now. Do you also go to counseling or just her, if you don;t go maybe you could. Does she have girlfriends to hang out with? Whatever you do, don’t give up… we will keep you in our prayers.
Take Care
I knew of a lot of private kids that would come to our public high school and get really depressed and like “freak-out.” It could just be a phase or something might have happened at school that she doesn’t want to face. You never know but good luck.
Sounds like teenage depressionShe is going through major changes.
she must be stressed out and u need to change schools so she can learn